Are we really listening?

 

I was window shopping in a mall the other day when I noticed a group of friends having a good time. Suddenly, one of them asked the others if they were paying attention to what she was saying. ‘We heard you.’ was the immediate response. The apparent reaction of the girl was that they had not listened to what she had stated. Because I had overheard this exchange, I wondered what the difference was between hearing and listening. Isn't it the same thing?

This entire episode gave me food for thought, and I set out on a trip to figure out how listening differs from hearing someone.

So, are you really listening? Here's what I discovered, much to my surprise. I had always assumed that I was listening, but I recently found that I was only hearing.

You know, fellas, there's a fine line between hearing and listening. When you hear someone, you don't have to make a conscious effort; your ears do the work. But when it comes to listening, the difficult challenge is to take in what the other person is saying, digest the information, and absorb it well to acknowledge and continue the conversation.

Welcome to the world of active listening.

So I dug deeper into the matter and discovered that we needed to be aware of four listening types.

Empathic listening occurs when you listen to someone sharing their personal feelings with you, and you listen to comprehend.

Consider listening to a motivational speaker or your favorite music to unwind, relax, and enjoy yourself; this is an example of appreciative listening.

You thoroughly listen when you come across anything new that improves your learning, such as a podcast or an informative talk. It is comprehensive listening.

You engage in critical listening when you listen to someone to create an opinion on what they say.

Empathic listening is synonymous with active listening or listening to comprehend. How will this type of listening benefit you? Empathic listening allows you to strengthen connections, better understand your loved ones, and even expand your empathy.

Are you relly listening to your partner?

We rarely listen to the other person because we are absorbed with our ideas, preconceptions, train of thoughts, and judgmental attitudes. We are so engrossed in these that we do not want the other person to finish the sentence and prefer to interrupt to finish it for them. We appear as if we are all-knowing and give our own opinions regardless of the thoughts or opinions of others.

Why is this happening? Our brains are wired to seek information that supports what we want to hear or see while ignoring the rest. In such situations, we must ask the voices in our heads to quiet down for a while, stop making assumptions on behalf of others, and allow them to speak.

Is it hard to resist judging others while listening to what they say? I believe it must be difficult because everyone cannot do it, but at the very least, we can give it a shot and see whether it works. It has become second nature and a kind of entitlement to do so.

How about listening to someone's emotions while they're talking? We frequently hear spoken statements and take them at face value. Reading between the lines requires time and effort; we often need more time since our brains are so sidetracked.

You are often so preoccupied with your thoughts that you lose out on the discussion between you and the other. You may be physically present, but your mind is far away.

Can we please silence our phones, stop thinking about our problems, and try to relate to what the person is saying? Sometimes the individual does not want you to respond or act on what they are saying but wants you to listen without condemning them or taking action.

Let me ask you again. Are you really listening or just waiting to talk?

People become confused because they do not listen. We can constantly look for words that reflect feelings and pay attention to them when they are spoken or, more accurately, when they are left unsaid.

I've also seen skilled listeners try to repeat what the other person is saying to them, which is beneficial since you genuinely get to know the intention or motive of the words uttered, providing clarity of understanding. It helps to bring people closer together and makes you a better communicator. It also enhances your experience of conversing with the other person, making you a pleasant person to be around.

You can always paraphrase or summarize the dialogue and acknowledge it in a kind manner to show that you are paying attention.

Learning to listen is an art and a difficult one at that. It is an active process that requires time and effort, but does not everyone need someone to whom they can communicate and who truly listens? I want to use an example from one of my favorite movies, 'Dear Zindagi,' in which the protagonist tells her doctor, who is also a psychotherapist, that he is the only one who truly listens to her rather than just hearing her. Isn't that correct?

People are so needy these days that they are willing to pay anyone who would listen to them.

You now understand why so many psychotherapists claim to be listening to you in your city daily. They actually listen to you and suggest solutions to some of your so-called 'mental troubles.' If someone nearby did the necessary by simply sitting next to you and listening to you, suppose you wouldn't be hunting for someone outside and willing to pay them to do so.

So, instead of preaching, I'd like to ask you to listen to your loved ones. Allow them to express themselves, unburden their souls, and enjoy mental and emotional liberation. This will result in a fuller and better life for everyone.

Knock, knock, who's listening?